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Category: Pop Culture

Mortimer goes ga-ga for Kenny(and The First Edition!)

We all know Kenny Rogers is the most sexiest 70s salt and pepper Bear ever. But! if you are ever bored with your normal porn feed, do an image search for “Kenny Rogers and The First Edition” and you will find a young and dashing version of this country legend. So pretty I can’t get my mind out of the gutter. He played bass too! LICK!!!


Gay Ass lyrics from one of Heavy Metals leading units!

OK! everybody knows Rob Halford is gay, but they didn’t know it in 1983. Which is why it is worth re-looking at some Judas Priest early song lyrics like the one posted below. The song Eat Me Alive is off the album Defenders of the Faith. And fer my money its best song about a blow job since Terry Reid’s early 70s sleeper hit Super Lungs. But what makes this interesting is the fact that we know now that this song is about a gay blow job. I dunno? I guess it gives me a semi knowing that many young teenage heshers were banging their heads to a song about gay cock while they were most likely deriding gay people on a daily basis. I realize this has probably all been hashed out elsewhere and everywhere in the metal world but I just wanted to get in on some easy action. Great lyrics btw.


Mustaches are inspiring lights through the pain

I’m caught between the upper lip and the whiskers of a strange man. Can’t say why I’m here in this space and time but I know I wanna hang in this moment as long as possible. I know there is stability, there is direction, there is identity. Yes! I wanna ride the ‘stache until I fall asleep for 8 hours straight. Piss in his mouth and roll over instead of getting up. Why because Mustache Man is here for me and I’m here for him.


Mel Street: More retro vinyl beef found!

Mel Street was a country music star who died before his time. Handsome fucker, ain’t he? I really wanted to buy this record but it rang like a lot of middle of the road 70s country music. Kinda dull for this rocker. I am not at the point where I want to spent eight bucks for a hot album cover but this one came close to starting me down that path. Just do me, and Mel, a favor and enjoy his beauty in this old record cover.


Retro records featuring sexy bed moments.

If you like spelunking through old vinyl you might know what I’m talking about. Some band photos borderline on some far out Friend Finder profile that I sorta wanna be a part of. Ok not all 70s/80s dudes are “10s” and they were all probably wearing shitty cologne that’s worse than any Axe product on the market. But! You gotta like how frank these photos are. It’s like yer in bed in the band. Kinda freaky!


Retro Beef discovered at local record store

While flipping through the used vinyl at a local record store, looking for my usual hard rock and bubble gum fare, I came across these two glorious album covers. They maybe a little dated but their point timeless.


Nick Bolton: I Mean, There’s Just Nothing Like Him on the Market Today.

Nick Bolton google search

I have a dirty secret and, if you are a red blooded American, I bet you have the same one. I wanna fuck Nick Bolton.  I first found out about this hardcore stud late at night, watching free digital channel reruns of Star Trek Voyager. He is the spokesman for Bell + Howell, and he’s on all their commercials for “military grade” flashlights, sunglasses, car visors, and cell phone camera attachments. His constant 8 o’clock shadow and butt chin memorized me and took me to a safe place. Later, when I did a web search, I realized he was, and is, so much more! He’s an actor. He works out a lot and knows how to stare endlessly into a camera lens. His well toned pecs and abs speak volumes! Plus he’s willing to throw down in chains, weights and bikini underwear.  Whether he’s straight, bi, or, gay, he’s obviously unattainable, and he knows it!  To coin a phase “I mean, there’s just nothing like HIM on the market today!”


A Full Head of Steam

While jogging through the thrift store today I found a copy of an old record by the band Steam. It contains the amazing soul-rock anthem  “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” and a lot of other pseudo Motown diddies. Most importantly it’s got some very nice bathhouse images of the band on the front and back cover. What is it about moist young hippies with their sideburns and musky little mustaches that gets me all in kerfuffle? I dunno… I’m pretty sure the band regrets this album cover but I’m also pretty sure a lot of closeted boys in the early 70s were happy with the managements decision on this one.


Burly Bear Wrestler Chest Congestion

Yes the flu season was a real Bear this year. If you were one of the unfortunate souls who came down with the virus, it might have felt as if a weighty butt of burly bear wrestler in a singlet was dropped on yer chest, holding you down in bed for the day. Grinding his furry hole through the spandex causing you to cough and moan writhing in pain.  Nothing you can do but rest and medicate. When you regain your strength you can roll that Bear meat over and pile drive yer way back to health.


REAL MEN EAT ASS: a T-shirt from Pervyology.com

Believe it that I, Mortimer Pye, has sat and pondered this notion, “REAL MEN EAT ASS”(yes in all caps!) In this writer’s humble opinion, there is nothing more beautiful and delectable than a mans butt. Many bottoms have reported to me that most guys they hook up with don’t eat them out proper, if at all, and goddamn it, I think that should change! Thanks to Pervyology.com I can use the power of persuasion, and maybe get a date or two, wearing the “REAL MEN EAT ASS” T-shirt at the next bar night or kink party.

(Read the UMM blog post for more information about Pervyology.com)