Maybe it’s because the long road to the 2020 presidential election had become aggravating weeks ago, and/or maybe it’s because I stayed up late last night watching the polls close with a few too many beers, but I feel like a dick today. I don’t just feel like a dick metaphor as in “being a dick” or being “cocky.” I feel like a dick up my ass and feel like a dick in my mouth. Since I feel like I’m being fucked by the system, it would at least be nice to get the real thing once and awhile-sigh! Covid is still looming over the American landscape, so I’m prolly not gonna get fucked today, but at least I can draw all the dicks, cocks and, butts I need to soothe my sad gay life. This race is tight, so no matter what the result of election, please find time in your life to fight fascism. Society has gotten really scary as of late, and we need to make sure the shriveled penises of the anti-American right wing don’t dick us out of our freedoms and liberties.
I’ve been on a social media hiatus as of late. The summer has taken over and I just haven’t had the energy or the time to put my horny thoughts into something as cohesive like drawing or a blog. But as you can tell from this rambling post I am worked up to spew some verbal spooge. Even though I lack original visual content I have been watching a lot of porn as of late, and have procured more straight butts the Hairy Straight Butt Page. So I will take a moment to talk directly to the producers of straight porn for a moment and say “Hey, pull back that camera for 15-30 seconds, and give that man butt a chance to fly. Throw a bone to the faggots, like me, who watch straight porn, and we’ll love you forever!” Said my piece for tonight. Happy fucking!
Not that long ago I wrote a blog entry about wanting to be called a “Rock n Roll Daddy” if you were to call me “Daddy” at all. I wanted to emphasize that the term “Daddy” is one that is personal and not to be taken for granted. On the flip side I generally don’t throw out the label ”boy” when chatting up fellas online (unless they truly are boys-under 27.) It’s not that I don’t want that kind of intamacy between me and another man, but my experience has taught me it’s rarely that easy to click at that level meeting through social media. Either we never meet, or when we do expectations were not met to facilitate a good Daddy/boy session. Also, I don’t know where my heart is going to lay, who I’m going to meet, what I’m going to learn or who I am going become, so until I find some certainty in the imaginary land of ”Daddy & boy” I’m looking for “buds.” Friends. Friends who like to fuck, fuck and talk, and fuck off together. So if you chat with me on one of those fancy phone apps I might just call you “bud,” because that’s what Daddy wants.
I have a dirty secret and, if you are a red blooded American, I bet you have the same one. I wanna fuck Nick Bolton. I first found out about this hardcore stud late at night, watching free digital channel reruns of Star Trek Voyager. He is the spokesman for Bell + Howell, and he’s on all their commercials for “military grade” flashlights, sunglasses, car visors, and cell phone camera attachments. His constant 8 o’clock shadow and butt chin memorized me and took me to a safe place. Later, when I did a web search, I realized he was, and is, so much more! He’s an actor. He works out a lot and knows how to stare endlessly into a camera lens. His well toned pecs and abs speak volumes! Plus he’s willing to throw down in chains, weights and bikini underwear. Whether he’s straight, bi, or, gay, he’s obviously unattainable, and he knows it! To coin a phase “I mean, there’s just nothing like HIM on the market today!”
We at UMM are pro LOVE. To be more specific, we are PRO MANLOVE! We love MEN and we want MEN to love us. We want to be IN LOVE with MEN, with all the entanglements. Nothing says this better than a kiss. Some str8 and bi guys say “I don’t kiss man” but give me a fearless BUD to kiss me gentle, only mashing mouths when the passion calls for it. Dicks pressed up to each other like long lost pubic friends. Arms wrapped into one body mass but feeling utterly naked and at home. Hoping yer dream cums true.
Many men complainin’ ‘bout shavin.’ Sayin’ “it’s not nat’rl!!!” Shavin’ that is. But what can you do if you like to. Shavin’ that is. Makin’ yer titties shakin’ Causin’ Yer gunt to itchin’. Makin’ you horny less bitchin’. Sometimes it feels right when it feels wrong. Sometimes it feels “DAMN RIGHT!” A little off the side, a trim from behind. Yer buddy naked tonight, with a razor in the light. So in the furry end don’t condescend, and please… Don’t judge a man by what he uncovers, just how he treats his lover.
Yes it’s true! The leather harness, a long time main stay of the Leathermans closet, is no longer a symbol of passionate Daddy Worship, or Man Power. Nowadays it seems every good fag has at least one shiny new, above the tits, harness in their wardrobe ready for the local leather night. There was a time when procuring a harness took a bit of effort. I believe custom ordering one from a popular leather shop in San Francisco was the best way. Today you can order one online from many different stores, in many colors and/or different materials. Before I go any further I want to iterate that “kink is in the eye of the beholder,” so if you feel that harnesses are mega-kinky in every way, I doubt there’s much I could say dissuade you, but when I go to a local bar on a kink night, and everyone is wearing essentially the same gear, I start to question the motivations behind this fashion statement. Most men are like wolves, comfortable in the pack. So it makes sense that a similar uniform would arise to cement this pack mentality. But that’s not what kink is. Kink is not being like everybody else. Kink is individual to the individual. Kink is not commonplace. Kink is not something that everybody agrees upon as sexy. That’s what makes it a kink. So the leather harness may no longer be kinky, but can still be considered sexy. For example, I prefer a Daddy’s paunch to be harnessed above and below the tits so I can grab on tight as he picks me up throws me down on the bed and starts to…. ahem! That’s right America, harnesses are no longer kinky.
I’m not one to criticize a dance party, but since this one is being shoved in my face constantly through social media, I feel a need to express an opinion. I am sick of the same dance club nights being sold as something new and exciting. I am happy there is a place for guys to show off their new gear and sexy underwares, but the shitty disco is a boner killer, and has to go! I’m not sure what DJ Mataeo Segade’s (LA) playlist is for the evening, but I’m gonna guess it’s the same mind numbing EDM crap I hear every time I go out. Coupled with shrieking pop diva hits, you get the same sonic experience every time a gay bar dims the lights at 10pm. The point being, listening to gay bar music in a gay bar doesn’t take one anywhere new or exciting. I would advocate for more Rock and Roll (Tommy James, Booker T. and the MG’s, Slade, Deep Purple, The Scorpions, The Kinks, ELO, Sweet, Motorhead, Bob Segar System, Sly and the Family Stone, Buzzcocks) That would be something kinda new! But my argument would fall on deaf ears (Wah!) So I digress. I hope everybody has a great time shaking a tail feather and ruffling each others fur baskets tonight. Who knows maybe you’ll see me there ogling the mens in the latest fashions. I’ll be the one in the corner wearing the sexy black rubber industrial strength ear plugs. 😉
These days everything is an alternative lifestyle. Go for what you know! You never know! The internet is ready to swallow your soul. All you can do is take control and profit from your down- ugh I mean windfall!