Let’s get Loose! (but not too loose)

Anal sex continues to be my favorite sex, but it’s not all bells and whistles. Basically there are 3 types of bottoms. Guys who are too tight, too loose, or just right(yes it’s the Goldilocks effect.) Let me explain.

There are those horny bottoms that don’t work their holes open at all before an encounter, making the top do all the work. I love eating butt, BUT my tongue can’t stretch a tight hole enough for fucking. Fingers can be useful but some guys don’t like fingers, and I don’t like seeing pained expressions while trying to help the situation. Also, I find finger fucking to be not that sexy, considering how sticky it makes everything. The solution is to sit on a moderate sized dildo or butt-plug before the encounter. If yer tight, walk through the motions of popping that b-hole open before you ask someone else to do it.

Then there are guys that are too loose. I have an above average uncut penis (7×5.) It’s a nice size but there are going to be some guys I can’t satisfy without toys or a fist. But I have been with slutty bottoms that knew how to clench there holes just right. So if you’re a bottom that craves more, more and even more, practice squeezing a small butt-plug once and awhile. Too much friction is a pain, but not enough is just pointless. Considering all the physical issues with getting in position for a good fuck, a loose hole just does not work.

Finally there are the butt’s that are just right. Either the dude gets fucked a lot and has superior muscle control, or he’s prepped his tight ass with a small toy. The perfect bottom is the kinda guy that knows he’s there to service the needs of the man in front of him, and derives pleasure from helping him meet his goals. Being too tight or too loose hinders that process and only frustrates the situation.

So please communicate. Get to know, and prep, your butts appropriately. Let’s not fuss with fingers, or hours of butt licking. Let’s not get so loose, we control. Let’s just get back to fucking.


Jumping hard on the faggy #proudboys trend

As usual I am late to the game. I just found out about the co-opting of the #proudboys by gay men today. In the spirit of the Twin Cities Pride parade being a month late, I feel the need to throw my hat in the ring, even though it’s a bit after the fact. The more anti-fascist/pro-fag imagery the better, right? And besides this image came to me instantly after reading an article about how the fascists are pissed off that their pathetic name has been made awesome in the name of Gay Pride. I couldn’t help but draw it right away. Happy belated Pride people!


Urban Mountain Man is about finding cool sexy shit hiding in plain site

My old man Joe used to collect images of hot Bear dudes before the whole bear thing got started. There was no apps, internet sites, or even Bear Magazine. He found what he could and where he could. Often he would throw out an entire porn mag and save one or two photos. There are also hot bearded bros pulled from typical everyday newspapers and magazines. A lot of his collection is on this website already, especially the earlier posts, but I feel I need to keep up this sexy random tradition. Below are few silly finds that I think meet this standard.

Hidden inside a video game manual for the retro style game “Paprium” is a muscly dude in a jock, intensely gaming.
Can you find the “Lug” worthy of a “Chug?”
If you guessed the dude on the far left give yer crotch a stroke!
This guy is not British, he’s married to the actress who played Samantha on Bewitched. Caught him on Buzzr in an episode of Password. Damn he’s nice and saucy in that hot n hairy unbuttoned 70s kind of way.

Late Night Drawing Dicks

Watch this drawing unfold!

What is it about dicks? Why they so pretty? Why do we wanna sit on them? Why do we wanna suck them?Why does a pretty dick need a pretty face, or hot bod, to go with it? Why does that not matter sometimes? More than a few times I’ve been in a sexy situation where it was obvious that I was only there because of my dick and nothing more. What’s that about? I’m not sure there’s an answer to all this. Not sure I care. But I know I sure love drawing dicks.


Zbyszko Cyganiewicz: Polish Beef

As a man of Polish decent I am never so proud of my heritage more than when I’m ogling images of Zbyszko Cyganiewicz. I’m not going to go into his life story here(We got Wikipedia for that.) Instead I’m just going to enjoy his round muscles, his thick soft skin that wrinkles at all the right places, and his hard belly slightly sagging nips. Too bad I couldn’t find a completely nude photo, or ass pic, of this strongman/professional wrestler. Only typical wrestling poses and portrait shots. I guess I can only imagine what he would look like, buck-naked, legs in the air.


Cybear Punk 2077

I bought a used copy of Cyberpunk 2077 for my basic PS4. I didn’t get very far until it glitched on me (it locked me in the tutorials, if you must know.) Before that unfortunate and frustrating incident I did get to make my own model of the main character V. Despite the many color and style options for the hair, scars, etc. I made the most generic looking bear man I could. Unfortunately you can’t make him have a beer belly or a juicy booty, BUT as you can see you can customize his penis. Really you only get three options: small, medium and large (I chose large.) No cut, or uncut, or how many veins you’d like- sigh! Of course, none of this affects gameplay, it’s all cosmetic. I just think it’s interesting I designed the most basic bear archetype for an avatar ever, when given a chance to live in a futuristic virtual world. Uhg! I’m such a basic bitch!


Life is Good. What Else Can I Say?

Actually things are not so great. You know why. I’m not gonna rant. I’m just going to take a “wait and see” attitude and wait and see. Until then, my old man hormones rage. I’m not going into details about that either, and let the images above explain my desire. It’s a bit random. Been watching a bit of wrestling lately. It’s a beautiful activity. Maybe I wanna do some bitch slapping, or get bitch slapped. I don’t know any more. I’m just turned on. Life is good.


Please No Rain Checks! OK?

Ever use those hook-up apps before? You know like Scruff, Growlr, or Grindr? A lot of sexy men on those apps-Huh? Sure it can be a lot of fun, but I always end up getting those damn rain checks!

At this point in my life I rarely hit on guys anymore. Sure, I’ll say “hello” to an attractive fella, but I don’t usually get aggressive to hook up right “now.” My approach is to get to know someone a bit, and set up a date in the near future.

Mutual attraction is most important, but sometimes you just want to get your rocks off. Since I’ve been vaccinated I have dipped my toe back in the cruising scene, and after the first week I have to say something. Stop the fucking rain checks! OK? Over the many months of quarantine I totally forgot about this annoying pattern of behavior, and I was blindsided twice in one week.

When I’m on these apps I often get a horned up, reasonably attractive guy (usually married or partnered)who wants it “now!” Sometimes I bite down and agree to let him come over. I pop my pill, jump in the shower, and throw the fuck blanket on the bed. While I’m trying to get my apartment looking spiffy for my guest, I get the message. “Can I take a Rain Check?”

Butt-hurt is never a good look when cruising, after all, we are adults and life does happen… But man! does this happen a lot! Sometimes dates have to broken at the last minute, but can we all agree to get our shit together before we ask for each others time? If you want to get fucked, shower up before you cruise. If you are partnered, make sure you have the afternoon free. If you find someone “better” after you asserted the “now” factor with a dude, suck it up and for fill your social obligation.

Whatever your deal is, make sure it’s dealt with before you start hounding lonely single men for attention. And please, if you have to take a “Rain Check” make sure it’s raining.


Four Dicks is Better than Three?

Last two posts I’ve been sorta playing with a theme. Two dicks then three dicks and now four? This one is a little wonky with one of the Tops showing his backside and not his fat wang bar like his buddies. Dispite this omission there are still 4 cocks visible so I think it still fits with the theme.


Three Dicks are Better than Two

Last week I posted a “2 Dicks is Better than One” sketch. This week it’s three dicks, on three guys, who sort of look like brothers comparing their similar looking equipment. This is a digital sketch so I was able to confront the framing issues head on, unlike the last weeks pen sketch where the balls got cut off one of the wang bars. Will next week bring four cocks?