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Author: mortimer

A Monumental Ass From the Past

I found this old pamphlet up in my parents attic the other day and could not resist taking a pic of that monumental ass. I believe it’s a Michelangelo sculpture, but not sure which one. The other muscly dude wrapped around his legs and face pressed up against his thigh is enough to drive one batty with dirty thoughts. I can hardly believe this was printed in 1959. I guess if something back then was considered “fine art” it got a pass. Honestly if this flyer was printed today I don’t think they would use this image. Man butt is no longer considered the height of beauty in the art world, but don’t fear my horny brethren, here at Urban Mountain Man it always will be.


Man kisses are the best No. 2

Been craving long tender man kisses lately, but love has been hard to find in this cold Minnesota winter. I could whine about the bar scene or shitty dating apps, but instead I’ll stick to my drawings to vent my frustrations. Hope yer getting plenty of man size man kisses to keep you warm this season.


Dirty hippie fucker cartoon

I’ve been fantasizing about older hippies and metal heads lately so I had to draw a few. It’s a silly cartoon, that’s for sure, but I like the characters. Who knows, maybe these guys will show up in the Comix section again.


Hey Bud! What’s in your game sack?

I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube content about retro gaming. I wouldn’t consider myself a gamer, but I grew up with video games, and I still play my old Wii from time to time. Watching scruffy mature men grunt, complain, and pontificate about their favorite consoles or game franchises is not only informative, but also I find it to be a nice springboard for my nerdy buddy fantasies.


Bull of the Month: Uncle Dick

Doesn’t everyone have an Uncle Dick? Below is an artistic rendering of my uncle Dick. He’s a bit older now, and has difficulty walking, but in his prime he was a towering bull bachelor living in the burbs.


Men and Boys

I’m not talking about anything illegal or illicit. Just good old fashioned hardcore Daddy boy love fetish. Men who are still boys at heart, and men who want to fuck them. Part of me still fantasizes about “Daddy.” I like the bigger older guys with tough craggy muscles, fat and hair in peculiar places, bald spots, thick glasses, and a thick drippy dick. But as I get older and becoming more craggy by the week, I find I enjoy molesting young men who still are clinging to some form of innocence. As you can tell from this illustration I found a way to bring it all together.


Late night man doodles

Feeling a little loose last night I started doodling man after man until I was satisfied, or until I filled up the screen. Maybe one day I’ll find a more compelling context for these little guys, but for now I’ll just keeping doodling doodles in my iPad.


Broken Hearts are for Assholes

Lost in despair. The man of my dreams is in a relationship. He’s in love with himself. Oh Gar! if you loved me half as much as those tight boy holes you plug so eloquently I’d be the happiest old man alive.


Another grocery store romance

I had a strange horny surprise at the grocery store tonight. This goddamn, sexy grey bearded cro-mag daddy donning a weiner lei, and baring a weiner tattoo appeared in the frozen meat aisle. His name is Carl. Even though he was only a cardboard cut out for Johnsonville brats, I really felt we had a connection. Although we didn’t talk much, or at all, and he barely looked at me, that is on par with most guys I meet at the bar, so this just might work out.


It’s Been a Hairy Ass Summer

I’ve been on a social media hiatus as of late. The summer has taken over and I just haven’t had the energy or the time to put my horny thoughts into something as cohesive like drawing or a blog. But as you can tell from this rambling post I am worked up to spew some verbal spooge. Even though I lack original visual content I have been watching a lot of porn as of late, and have procured more straight butts the Hairy Straight Butt Page. So I will take a moment to talk directly to the producers of straight porn for a moment and say “Hey, pull back that camera for 15-30 seconds, and give that man butt a chance to fly. Throw a bone to the faggots, like me, who watch straight porn, and we’ll love you forever!” Said my piece for tonight. Happy fucking!